New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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