theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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