you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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