OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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