I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
