We won't sleep together?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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