It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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