Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize