it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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