If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
