Sry I called you an 8
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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