Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
