I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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