Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
