just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
