I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize