Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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