let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
