Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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