Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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