remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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