if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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