We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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