New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
