I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize