Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
