Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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