I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
