Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
