I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
