I only kidnapped one of them. chill
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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