im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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