The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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