I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
