ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
