Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
