sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize