remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
