Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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