dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
