So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
