Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
