"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
