wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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