So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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