Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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