When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
