you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
