How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
