she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This girl is more easily done than said...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
