So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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