Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
