I have demons in me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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