I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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