I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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