i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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