girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
