dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
