You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
