so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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