he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think my cat just said my name.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
