I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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