Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
