My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
