I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
