I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
