Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
