my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
