Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The best revenge is premature balding
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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