I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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