Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
