I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
