so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
