you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
