Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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